Sexuality is fluid...Meaning, just because you were born female it doesn't mean na you are attracted to men automatically..™
However, my experience shows that female sexuality is more fluid than male sexuality...™
And I believe, for my case, that is, I did not choose to be homosexual or bisexual...™
It is an innate feeling in me that I am attracted to women.™
I know this because my first attraction was when I was in grade school...And that was with my intimate friend.™
Actually,, im a boyish na talaga since when i was young but no over the top...I don't dress like a boy naman and my haircut is decent naman. ™
When I entered highschool I met different persons from different places. I started making friends, classmates and schoolmates. Luckily, I was able to find those who suit me and my personality.™
When I reach third year, this was actually the first time when I get really depressed.. ™
I was wrong to believe that I have gotten over my feelings for a FRIEND.. ™
I’ve been trying to prevent myself from writing anything about this matter for so many times.. because I was in denial.. ™
But this time, I just cant keep it inside.. it really bothers me.. ™
I have been pretending for so long, that there is nothing going on between me and this friend of mine.. ™
I should face it.. I like my friend.. (but im sorry, I cant tell who she is).. ™
She’s one of the most beautiful girl in our school, very popular and friendly . ™
She is my seatmate that time.. I looked up to her , adored her and I guess, im infatuated to her. ™
Its very hard for me to tell her what I really feel for her because I don’t want her to lose as my friend.. ™
Pero dumating din yung time na nasabi ko sa kanya na i love her more than a friend.™
I was saddened by the sudden change in our relationship as a friend.. She try to wont answer my calls and text and ignores me, I guess she all do that maybe because she want me to forget my feelings for her.. ™
I began to feel like my day isn’t complete without her ... I find myself missing her all the time.. Although sometimes ko lang sya nakakachat, masaya na ko dun atleast nakakausap ko sya kahit saglit lang. ™
When I entered college naman I think of her pa rin pero nung third year college na ko there was a girl in the computer shop who is very beautiful, sexy, smart, decent, diligent and may pagkamasungit. I try to ask her named but she ignores me. ™
Despite of her attitude of being masungit . One day I found myself liking her. ™
Fortunately in my own way, I got her name and number when my professor assigned me to help other bsit students to make our school ID. ™
I start texting her to know her more and try to tell her my feelings for her, I know she undertand me but she don’t want to tolerate it. ™
Oftentimes I want her attention without being in the position to demand for it. I guess I take it seriously na that’s why i get depressed. ™
I feel better when she catches me staring at her at least I know she stares back . Because the moment my eyes fell on her I was content. =)™
----- ™JOYLYN ALABASTRO™ -----
